{"id":482,"date":"2007-11-08T01:16:23","date_gmt":"2007-11-08T01:16:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kennethwoods.net\/blog1\/2007\/11\/08\/the-secret-handshake-2\/"},"modified":"2010-11-29T23:34:13","modified_gmt":"2010-11-29T22:34:13","slug":"the-secret-handshake-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kennethwoods.net\/blog1\/2007\/11\/08\/the-secret-handshake-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The secret handshake…."},"content":{"rendered":"

I write this morning from the warm confines of the KLM Elite lounge at Birmingham Intl airport. Perhaps the only perk of spending so much time traveling is that, every once in a while, the airlines throw you a tiny little biscuit, such as being able to use the posh lounge for free\u2026. It\u2019s actually a bit grim in here, but at least I\u2019m not with the general public<\/em>.. :)<\/p>\n

Of course my presence here indicates that I\u2019m en route to America. Although the blog does not entirely reflect this, my main project this week has been trying to become a cellist again in time for a recital on Friday. I recorded a good chunk of the program yesterday and was fairly encouraged- although the fireworks (Guy Fawkes Night has been expanded to Murder, Mayhem, Vandalism and Pointless Explosions Month) outside made an interesting backing track to the slow movement of the Rachmaninoff sonata. My back has more or less stopped hurting, unless I lean or sit wrong, when it flares up full blast. I feel like if I can get through a flight and two hard days practice without making the back mad, I can pull this thing off\u2026.<\/p>\n

On the ride up this morning from Cardiff to Birmingham, I tried to be a good boy scout and listen to all my Rach recordings. More and more, when I listen outside the box to certain cello discs that are not on my list of favorite players, I\u2019m brought back, in a somewhat bad way, to memories of music school, and the strange subcultures that are American instrumental studios.<\/p>\n

In a few of the performances, I found annoying evidence of what I\u2019ve come to think of as \u201csecret handshake\u201d performance. A “secret\u00a0handshake \u00a0performance” is one that is held by some to be work of genius, but for reasons you would only know if you\u00a0knew the secret handshake.\u00a0Perhaps some of you will remember the experience of preparing a piece for a lesson or a class only to be told you were doing everything completely wrong. The basis for this, as well as the reasoning for what was therefore \u201cright\u201d always seemed something you only knew if you knew the secret handshake (or owned the great man\u2019s recording).<\/p>\n

You see, in this mindset, any fool can buy the music and study the score and practice the part. If that were all there were to it, anyone could play music, and we wouldn\u2019t need the genius teacher.<\/p>\n

But, in the world of the secret handshake, there is an unknown collection of laws of aesthetics that you can only learn slowly, over many years, for at least $100\/hour (which is a bargain for a good lesson). The lesson goes like this \u201cYes, I see you\u2019ve started on a down bow on the A string\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir, that was what was in the score, the urtext\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, but you see Ken\u2026 that down bow on the A string is too bright!\u201d Too bright for what, one might think\u2026. \u201cYou must start up bow on the D string!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, sir\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd\u2026. Here! What were you doing! You sped up!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hmmm\u2026. isn\u2019t that what accelerando means???? The wise student doesn\u2019t ask.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must<\/em> take time here!\u201d<\/p>\n

Time for what, one might ask!<\/p>\n

\u201cLike this!\u201d<\/p>\n

Aha\u2026. Well it must be better because he\u2019s teaching at ______________. How could I not know that? God, I\u2019m a moron!
\nThe onslaught begins in earnest. \u201cHere! What were you doing?!?!?! You must play louder, louder, then softer! You can\u2019t do all those pianos in the first movement! They don\u2019t work, but in the second movement, you must play softer, it\u2019s too loud!\u201d And then there\u2019s the long withering look, as if you were a bit of stray matter stuck to their shoe that seems to say, \u201cyou obviously didn\u2019t listen to my recording\u2026\u201d\u201d<\/p>\n

Too loud for what? Why don\u2019t the pianos work?<\/p>\n

Well, now I know the pianos don\u2019t work because they\u2019re not loud, and the fortes don\u2019t work because they\u2019re not piano, because there has to be a mystery to the great performer. There has to be something that only the truly blessed, the chosen, know about how to perform. At this school, it\u2019s one set of rules, but at that one it\u2019s another!<\/p>\n

Then you hear the recordings of the \u201cgreat teacher,\u201d and you\u2019re left scratching your head\u2026 Older and wiser you can\u2019t help but feel that the last thing Rachmaninoff or Beethoven really wanted to do was mark the exact opposite what he wanted. Of course, in the world of the secret handshake, the piddling wishes of the poor composer are to be ignored at all costs.<\/p>\n

“Well of course! Ken! You can\u2019t take it so literally- he was a composer. A composer<\/em> . Composers don\u2019t understand performance, they don\u2019t know how the piano really<\/em> works or the cello really<\/em> works, or where you have to take time<\/em>. If you don\u2019t take time where you have to take time, it doesn\u2019t work, because it\u2019s\u00a0 not time-takey enough\u2026.\u201d Yes, those poor composers <\/em>ala Rachmaninoff,<\/a> Prokofiev<\/a> and Shostakovich<\/a>. What a pity they understood so little about performance….<\/p>\n

Thank god for the teachers who are secure enough to tell you the truth- that there is no secret handshake, and that you don\u2019t need a guru to rewrite the masters for you. Pity they\u2019re too\u00a0often not the most famous in their field\u2026.<\/p>\n