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<\/a><\/p>\nThe Commons Cultural Welfare Select Committee has issued a report calling for a new levy being described by both advocates and critics as a \u201cbullshit tax.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGovernment has long recognized the need for special taxation on items whose use brings certain inevitable costs to the wider society. Taxation on cigarettes and alcohol helps to minimize the impacts of the increased healthcare costs of smokers and drinkers on the NHS as a whole,\u201d said select committee chairman Petroc Robertson. \u201cThe government has already taken on board recommendations for a sugar tax. The corrosive impacts of a culture saturated in bullshit are every bit as tangible- overconsumption of bullshit not only has serious mental and physical effects on its consumers, but also impacts people who don\u2019t engage with bullshit through increased healthcare costs, an ungovernable country, and a soul destroying world of endless insincerity and banality. We\u2019ve banned trans fats- surely we can tax Katy Hopkins\u201d<\/p>\n
Not all select committee members were prepared to endorse the plan publicly. \u201cWhile I deplore bullshit and am prepared to look down my nose at people who expose themselves to it to excess, I do not believe this is the sort of area the government ought to be meddling in,\u201d said MP for Snobbusry, Jacob Moest-Wurst. \u201cI believe this is an area where industry self regulation is the way forward. It worked with foxes and hen-houses, and I\u2019m sure it will be effective in this instance.\u201d<\/p>\n
The exact scope of the new tax is still unknown, and extensive debate is expected around controversial areas, such as what reform advocates call \u201csecondhand bullshit.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSecondhand bullshit is no laughing matter,\u201d said Ima Busiebodey, founder of the charity \u201cShitfree Minds.\u201d \u201cOverexposure to reality TV, talent shows and the Murdoch press has created a voting majority so apathetic, ill-informed and mentally addled that they\u2019ve voted in a cross-party generation of cynical corporatist political leaders committed to dismantling the nation\u2019s medical and educational infrastructure, even though education and healthcare are things that everybody in society manifestly needs. With hospitals in crisis across the country, second-hand bullshit is a clear and present danger to bullshit non-consumers across the UK.\u201d<\/p>\n
Across the musical world, where tastes very widely, the criteria for defining bullshit remain the subject of vigorous debate. \u201cWhile not everyone can be expected to agree on what makes a great work of art,\u201d said Arts Council chairman Anf\u00e4llig Gruppendenken \u201cI think it\u2019s clear to everyone that a well-designed bullshit tax will apply to anything using auto-tune on a lead vocal, popular music that combines a trite recycling of formulaic clich\u00e9s with an over-produced aesthetic where they compress the shit out of everything, and almost all country music.\u201d<\/p>\n
Pressed on whether the tax would place an unfair burden on popular music, Robertson said \u201cAbsolutely not. The work of artists ranging from Bjork to the Beatles will obviously be exempt, while, in jazz, it\u2019s pretty clear that Kenny G will be affected, and that the work of classical composers like Percy Grainger clearly falls within the widely accepted social-scientific definition of bullshit. And we\u2019ll certainly be taking a hard look at minimalism in due course.\u201d Conducting is also a medium likely to be hit hard by the tax. \u201cResearch has shown that conductors range from the extremely helpful, to complete bullshit artists. Right now, a good-looking young bullshitter can do more for an orchestra\u2019s bottom line than a person of normal appearance who actually knows what they\u2019re doing and loves music. This tax will mean that bullshitting no longer enjoys an unfettered competitive advantage,\u201d said Ikspeel Vals, regional vice secretary of the Musicians Union gigger division.<\/p>\n
Religion remains a problematic area of discussion. \u201cGovernments are historically reluctant to tax religion,\u201d said pastor William Pas de la Merde, president of the advocacy group God Doesn\u2019t Bullshit, \u201cbut the costs of religious bullshit are particularly enormous in terms of warfare, misogyny, genocide, and social exclusion. Most religious observers consider the beliefs and attitudes of most other religions to be bullshit, anyway. It\u2019s clear that sentiments like \u201clove thy neighbour,\u201d \u201cdo unto others as you would have them do unto you\u201d and \u201cthou shalt not kill\u201d would not be affected by the tax anyway, but it is unclear the extent to which these ideas are still part of the wider religious discourse. We hope that a bullshit tax will actually incentivise religious leaders to stop protesting against gay couples\u2019 right to marry, or advocating for World War III, and instead focus on making the human condition more bearable.\u201d<\/p>\n
The revenues from the tax, expected to range from 1p to 5p\/consumer\/minute depending on the \u201cintensity of the bullshit\u201d will be reinvested in art, culture and media output that helps make life worth living, or that helps human beings to become kinder, more curious or more tolerant. Support for reading, participatory music-making and community driven social initiatives is expected to benefit, as is classical music, modern jazz, documentary making and journalism not dependent on corporate sponsorship is all expected to benefit. Libraries, museums and Radio 4 quiz shows are also expected to do well, while Radio 4 comedies and the long running soap opera, The Archers, may become economically unviable.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s be clear here,\u201d said select committee Chair Robertson, \u201cthis is not a bullshit ban. People who want it will still have unfettered access to bullshit, although I do believe we ought to urgently act to restrict minors\u2019 exposure. Neither is this an attack on popularity, frivolity or even triviality. Even mere horsecrap remains unaffected. But the cost of bullshit is real, and it poses a real threat to society as a whole\u2014just look at politics in America.\u201d<\/p>\n
Asked by a member of the press whether he was \u201chaving a laugh,\u201d Chairman Robertson said: \u201cBullshit is no laughing matter. Otherwise, one would have to question whether this whole process has been a great big circle jerk to create the impression that we actually care about the future of society, when we really know that this will die a speedy death once it reaches a second reading in the House of Commons.\u201d<\/p>\n
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How nasty is your preferred bullshit and how much will it cost?<\/p>\n
1p\/consumer\/minute\/ level. \u201cDude, that\u2019s bullshit\u201d<\/p>\n
Omitting exposition repeats in Sonata- allegro movements, lifestyle documentaries, soap operas<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
2p\/person\/minute level \u201cSketchy bullshit\u201d<\/p>\n
Cuts in Rachmaninoff 2nd Symphony, reunion tours involving less than half the members of formerly great rock bands, Dan Brown novels<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
3 p\/person\/minute level \u201cNasty bullshit\u201d<\/p>\n
Most \u201cclassical crossover,\u201d Simon Cowell, most reality television, playing Mahler without vibrato<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
4p\/person\/minute level \u201cOdious, stinking, horrific bullshit\u201d<\/p>\n
Climate denial, religious persecutions of women, gays and minorities, Percy Grainger\u2019s orchestration, Country music, the entire Murdoch press empire<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
5p\/person\/minute level \u201cDonald Trump\u201d<\/p>\n
Donald Trump<\/p>\n