Thanks to Tom Service at the Guardian for pointing out Vice Magazine’s classical reviews. Many are spot on and most are hilarious, including the best review of a Schumann disc I’ve ever seen:

ROBERT SCHUMANN PERFORMED BY VARIOUS ARTISTS Chamber Music EMI Classics

Some major monster party boner jams on this sophomore effort by Big Boy Schumann. Serious brank-ass jimmy-hat jim-jams. Here’s how it works. Holding a bat mitzvah for your niece? Don’t play this. Doing a surprise bachelorette party for the chick in apartment 8G? Turn that shit up! Back that shit up! Schuuuuuuuuuumaaaaaann!!!!! CLYDESDALE OYNKE

Turn that shit up, indeed!

The bad reviews are, if anything, even funnier.

I also love the review of the Saint-Saens Cello Sonatas (very positive, perhaps too much so for these pages), and commend it to your attention.