by Kenneth Woods | Apr 12, 2016 | A view from the podium, Not quite the news, Satire
A leading professional orchestra has announced they are giving up rehearsing, teaching and performing music to focus on their “core mission,” it has been announced. The board and management of the Southlands Sinfonia in Weicester have decided to cancel all future...
by Kenneth Woods | Dec 18, 2015 | A view from the podium, Not quite the news, Satire
The Commons Cultural Welfare Select Committee has issued a report calling for a new levy being described by both advocates and critics as a “bullshit tax.” “Government has long recognized the need for special taxation on items whose use brings certain inevitable costs...
by Kenneth Woods | Jul 17, 2015 | A view from the podium, Not quite the news, Satire
The music industry reacted with wide-eyed amazement this month as the world’s leading orchestra announced they were appointing someone to the prestigious position of Principal Conductor based on his ability to conduct. Across Europe, North America and the Far East,...
by Kenneth Woods | Jan 12, 2015 | A view from the podium, Not quite the news, Satire
10- The tuning slide allows a trumpet player to adjust how sharp he or she is to the rest of the orchestra. 9 – Violinists invariably play sharp when they’re under pressure, which is always. This is why they tune their open strings higher than the rest of...
by Kenneth Woods | Aug 7, 2013 | A view from the podium, Not quite the news, Satire
A composite case study, presented here for your edification. Subject: Sinfonia Suburbia Dear Maestro Woods- I do hope it is okay that I am writing to you directly, rather than to your agent. My name is Elizabeth Herzschmertz (please call me Lib), and I am the new...
by Kenneth Woods | Jun 29, 2013 | A view from the podium, Not quite the news, Satire
A tale of two upbeats, a tale of two orchestras A lot can be communicated non-verbally in rehearsal. Once upon a time, at the first rehearsal for a concerto….. Subject: Request for tempo Dear Maestro Woods Thank you for your upbeat. It has been brought to our...
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